Lost Chasing Over My Dream

P.S. : First of all, I don’t really understand why I come up with such strange post. I seldom express my deepest feeling out but this time, I even wrote it up and share with everyone who read over this blog…. I don’t know why.

I found that recently I have get myself lost again. I had totally entered Hikikomori Mode now. Everyday keep locking myself at home and does not even bother about social activities.

I think I know why I’m doing like this. It’s the thruth that I will be going over to study aboard at Japan soon. I’m going oversea, and because of that, I will have to part with all my friends here. I cannot meet them anymore in the coming 1 or 2 year but have to stay alone at Japan.

Since 2 years ago when I started to plan going over to study at Japan, I had start to cut off my relationship with my friends at school. I didn’t really mixed too deeply with my form 6 friends because I scare when we have to part, I will be very sad. So to prevent those from happening, I rarely go out with them, and even stay cool and keep them away from coming deep inside my heart.

Sorry, my friends, for keeping our distance.

And now I think I’m starting over this situation again. I tried to cut off my relationship with the Harmonica players in Penang. My Daddy, Mummy, sister, Kun Kun, and everyones. I get tired of social life recently except going to my Japanese class. Even they asked me for a hiking this sunday, I turn off their offer using that can’t wake up too earlier/ didn’t have a place to stay over at penang.

You know, if I’m getting serious about going, who can stop me for doing so? I will surely comes out with some solution. But yet, I didn’t.

Sorry, My beloved Penang harmonica players. For turn off most of your offers of outgoing activities.

I just don’t want to be hurt so severely when we have to part. I don’t want to cry over this kind of things and moreover don’t want you guys to see my sad face. I just can’t stop myself from.

I’m Lost now. Totally lost about what to do now.

I’m losing the trace of time, tasting freedom everyday yet, Alone.

I don’t know what to do know, Either to change myself, Or just tricking myself until the day of parting, Has come.

Kesenaitsumi, Going over to the Eastern Country, all alone.

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6 Responses to Lost Chasing Over My Dream

  1. astrobunny says:

    Don’t feel down. I had the same feeling before I came down to NZ. I felt like I was going to part with my friends and never see them again, and it made me pretty sad. But now I’m here and I realized that, not only did I not lose contact with my friends back home, I gained so many new and important friends here!

    Look forward to your going to Japan! It was always my dream to go up there and you just beat me to it! Get up and start going out with your friends while you can! Stop staying at home because the only people you’ll want to talk to at first before you get to meet other people there is the very people you left behind back home.

    がんばれ!別れとはただの新しい始まるがくる絆よ! 寂しいとか恐ろしいとか気持ち全部捨てて! 未来に向けて楽しみに行けぇ!

  2. admin says:

    Thanks. Think you are right. My sister is also tell me like that. Think I’m getting better after hearing the same advice twice. ^.^

    By the way, I didn’t know that you go to NZ… And my sister is at NZ too. Guess you two having the same experience…


  3. HuiJing. says:

    MING HAN ! you made me feel like crying lar =`(
    u really should meet us up more often before going to Japan a..
    u can still talk to us online when u r in Japan right ? =D
    although we will be quite sad that u r going to Japan, we will be even HAPPY that u can chase your dreams there !! u know that ? we are happy for u, really !!

    don’t be like that d la.. stay happy okay ?
    SMILE ^^ !!
    do talk to us if u have any problems.. we will help you ! this is FRIENDS =)


  4. Rin_worm says:

    gambate ~ try ur best ~~ ^^

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