P.S. : First of all, I don’t really understand why I come up with such strange post. I seldom express my deepest feeling out but this time, I even wrote it up and share with everyone who read over this blog…. I don’t know why.
I found that recently I have get myself lost again. I had totally entered Hikikomori Mode now. Everyday keep locking myself at home and does not even bother about social activities.
I think I know why I’m doing like this. It’s the thruth that I will be going over to study aboard at Japan soon. I’m going oversea, and because of that, I will have to part with all my friends here. I cannot meet them anymore in the coming 1 or 2 year but have to stay alone at Japan.
Since 2 years ago when I started to plan going over to study at Japan, I had start to cut off my relationship with my friends at school. I didn’t really mixed too deeply with my form 6 friends because I scare when we have to part, I will be very sad. So to prevent those from happening, I rarely go out with them, and even stay cool and keep them away from coming deep inside my heart.
Sorry, my friends, for keeping our distance.
And now I think I’m starting over this situation again. I tried to cut off my relationship with the Harmonica players in Penang. My Daddy, Mummy, sister, Kun Kun, and everyones. I get tired of social life recently except going to my Japanese class. Even they asked me for a hiking this sunday, I turn off their offer using that can’t wake up too earlier/ didn’t have a place to stay over at penang.
You know, if I’m getting serious about going, who can stop me for doing so? I will surely comes out with some solution. But yet, I didn’t.
Sorry, My beloved Penang harmonica players. For turn off most of your offers of outgoing activities.
I just don’t want to be hurt so severely when we have to part. I don’t want to cry over this kind of things and moreover don’t want you guys to see my sad face. I just can’t stop myself from.
I’m Lost now. Totally lost about what to do now.
I’m losing the trace of time, tasting freedom everyday yet, Alone.
I don’t know what to do know, Either to change myself, Or just tricking myself until the day of parting, Has come.
Kesenaitsumi, Going over to the Eastern Country, all alone.